February 2012
29 posts
Bro Code 131)
While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car’s ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to passersby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side...
Bro Code 130)
If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.
Bro Code 129)
If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of lawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.
Bro Code 128)
A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, its preferred that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code…half naked from the waist up, naturally.
Bro Code 127)
A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying “I love you, man” to all his Bros
Bro Code 126)
In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include but is not limited to: the high five, the fist bump or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.
Bro Code 125)
If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro Train, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.
Bro Code 124)
If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Browling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.
Bro Code 123)
Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from “Beat It” which, I guess, two Bros shouldn’t do anyway, or at least not very often.
Bro Code 122)
A Bro is always psyched. Always
Bro Code 121)
Even if he’s never skied before, a Bro doesn’t trifle with the bunny slope. Corollary – If a Bro experiences a catastrophic wipeout, he can always blame his bindings or the conditions.
Bro Code 120)
A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name.
Bro Code 119)
When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar…a Brotorcycle
Bro Code 118)
When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian.
Bro Code 117)
A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fools errand of getting up to manually change the channel. Corollary – It is fully expected that a Bro will try anything to gain possession of the remote upto and including an attempt to flatulate his Bro out of the room.
Bro Code 116)
A Bro shall not kill another Bro or that Bros’ chances to score with a chick
Bro Code 115)
A “clothing optional” beach doesn’t really mean “clothing optional” for Bros.
Bro Code 114)
If a Bro must crash on his Bro’s couch for an extended period of time, he shall offer to split the cost of toilet paper and the cable bill if said period exceeds two weeks. If he stays longer than a month, he shall offer to contribute some rent. If he stays longer than two months, he shall steam clean the couch or have it incinerated, whichever is more applicable.
Bro Code 113)
A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a young chick Acceptable age difference formula: Chick’s age = (Guy’s age divided by 2) + 7
Bro Code 112)
A Bro doesn’t sing along to music in a bar. Exception: A Bro may participate in karaoke. Exception to exception: No chick songs
Bro Code 111)
If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages.
Bro Code 110)
If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome.
Bro Code 109)
When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any objective rankings to the contrary.
Bro Code 108)
If a Bro forgets a guy’s name he may call him “brah”,”dude”, or “man” but never “Bro”.
Bro Code 107)
A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging.
Bro Code 106)
Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night.
Bro Code 105)
If a Bro is not invited to another Bro’s wedding, he doesn’t make a big deal out of it, even if, let’s face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It’s cool. No big whoop
Bro Code 104)
The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and /or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing…provided she looks good in it…but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes.
Bro Code 103)
A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it